I Still Do

My Dear Husband,

3 years ago, we pledged our lives to one another. 3 years ago, I thought I understood what commitment and hard work and dedication and humility and forgiveness and love truly meant. I thought the vows I wrote were honest and would be a piece of cake (because I was older and more mature)! 🙂

I look back now, and I realize that my vows should have consisted of something like, “I promise I will fail you. I promise that I am extremely stubborn and independent and there will be a lot of days that I will struggle with putting you before me. I promise I will stumble through a lot of those days and will need to seek your forgiveness once again. You are now; however, legally and before God required to forgive me and you must promise to keep trying each and every time I do mess up.” 🙂

Through marriage, you and I both have seen my worst self come out, and yet, I have a husband who continues to look me in the eyes and tell me it’s going to be okay and that he loves me. I have a husband that tells me he’s not going to let me give up when it feels too hard to keep going. I have a husband who reminds me that he knows I would never intentionally hurt him and that he forgives me. I have a husband who is the best father and protector. I have a husband who challenges me to grow into the woman he sees inside of me. I have a husband who makes me laugh and holds me when life feels overwhelming. I have a husband who will take me to a girl movie when I need it and who will take care of everything when a migraine has taken over my body. I have a husband who encourages me to follow my dreams and is working hard to complete his.

In 3 years, we have already lived a lifetime. We have moved twice, we have both changed jobs twice, we fostered teenagers and adopted a toddler. We started a business and both of us have gone back to school. We have enjoyed vacations together and experienced new adventures. We have reveled in the joy of being with family and have held each other through some of the most difficult losses one can imagine. We are not perfect, but everyday we wake up and commit to putting one more foot in front of the other. We start and end our day with a hug and a kiss and an “I love you.” Thank you, my husband, for loving me.

Love,
Your Wife

P.S.
I Still Do.

365 Days

It’s hard to believe 365 days ago, we brought our little man home for what we hoped would be forever. During the past year, I have experienced the highest of highs and have faced the deepest sorrows that come with the journey of adoption. I have wondered if my love for him will be enough or how he will process through once he fully understands how God brought us together. Every day I grow just a little more in love with this little man, and I thank God every day that he saw fit to allow us the honor to love him with all of our hearts.

In the last year, I have failed miserably as a parent, I have laughed joyously at his crazy antics, I have cried over the heartbreak of knowing I will never know everything, and the realization that I missed the first 17 months of his life. I have been elated when I heard him call out “Mommy” and run to me with his arms lifted high. I have watched in wonder as he sleeps and cherished the feel of his little hands patting my back as we hug. I have experienced the highest moments of pride as he learns and conquers new stages and have felt pure fear as he adventures a little too far out of mommy’s comfort zone. I love the moments he snuggles next to me as we read books and the way he phrases certain words. I love the sounds he makes when identifying the animals he sees and how his sweet giggles fill the air. I love the sweet smell of his hair when I’m rocking him or the way he runs to me when he needs comfort over an owie. There is not a day that goes by that I am not faced with the overwhelming gift we have been given. 365 days down.