The Struggle Is Real

We all have “that thing” (or things) we turn to in order to soothe our hurts and disappointments.  Drugs, alcohol, relationships, exercise, isolation, sarcasm, anger, passive-aggressiveness, etc. etc. etc.  For me, it’s mainly food and the tendency to wallow in sadness and hide inside my cocoon.

I have struggled with my weight my entire life.  There are a variety of factors I could point to as the “reasons” why…but one of the biggest is that food has always been my go-to coping method. If I’m happy, sad, disappointed or indifferent, chocolate allegedly makes it better.  If I’ve had a rough day at work, I convince myself I’ve earned an unhealthy meal.  If my kid is working my last nerve, vegetables definitely escape the menu.

Working in primarily male dominated and high-risk jobs after college, I quickly learned to overlook any crude and offensive sexual advances from my co-workers for fear they would not step in to help if things went bad.  After being raped in my late 20’s, I convinced myself that if I became really good and fat, I would become invisible and never be hurt again. As if that wasn’t enough to provide my mind with a lifetime of justification, I was born with a body that has never fully cooperated with me.  A hip injury at the age of 10 led to four surgeries and the development of scar tissue and arthritis, a disintegrating disc in my back, regular migraines and the after effects of radiation on my body following Cancer.  In the last two months, I added a diagnosis of tendonitis in my foot due to flat feet, and the doctor took me off all physical activity to prevent the need for surgery.  I am in pain ALL of the time, and even before the doctor’s directives, exercising was the absolute last thing my body would openly embrace.

In this particular area, I have felt discouraged and hopeless most of my life.  I observe “skinny” people and daydream about being in a different place. I imagine they have the perfect life and mine would be perfect too, if only…  The reality is, skinny or not, everyone struggles with something and that struggle is real.  The reality is, even for those who are not deemed overweight, they may still struggle with the place that food has in their life and in their coping methods.  The reality is, most of us are walking around with a smile strategically planted, but we are literally dying for someone to know the raw, unedited version of our hearts and the pain we so intentionally hide.

Most of us have heard the saying, “Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”  I’ve had spurts of wanting to change.  I’ve tried every diet known to man, I’ve been in lengthy periods of counseling, I’ve told myself, “I’ll start THIS week or come Monday, I’ll make a change.”  Something always gets in the way to lasting change, and I’m tired.  I’m exhausted with allowing my past to get in the way of true health and inner peace.

So here I am, baring my soul to whoever may read this and verbally acknowledging I have a problem, and I can’t do it alone. Beginning May 1st, I am embarking on a new journey towards healing, and if my story has spoken to you, I’m going to ask you to consider joining me.  I am starting a 30-day adventure that will focus on reclaiming my mind, spirit and body through intentional healthy eating and accountability.  Even if you are at a place in your life where you are happy with your body but would like to improve your healthy lifestyle, you are definitely welcome!

If you are interested in finding out how you can join me on this adventure, please email me at or if you are reading this through Facebook, shoot me a private message and we’ll talk!  Please put “30 Days” in the subject line.  I look forward to getting FIT with you!