You Gotta…Give a Little!

I heard once that forgiveness isn’t about forgetting, but it’s about letting go of the hope that the past can be any different. In my continual quest for letting go of that hope, I started seeing a counselor several weeks ago. She has been an incredible resource for me. A safe place to unveil the true me, my innermost thoughts…the deep, dark pains of not always getting it right. We talk about how lonely Cancer can be and how hurtful it is when people don’t care enough to send a simple response. We talk about my fears of trying again…of re-building the relationships that didn’t work out so well and how sometimes it feels much easier to go inside my shell rather than reach out and make new friends. We talk a lot about respect…respect of myself and that it’s okay to expect respect and safety from the ones who make it to your inner circle. With my background in therapy and social work, I have struggled with that fine line of being there for others and having appropriate boundaries when someone becomes emotionally unsafe to be around. But I’m definitely working on it, and I can see the growth as I express my needs to others and decide to move on when it just doesn’t feel quite right.

The greatest gift she gave me last week was to remind me of two things: One, I can’t personalize it when someone decides not to show me the respect that we all deserve, and two, it’s important not to make generalizations that everyone is going to be that way. In my quest for relieving some of that pain, I was withdrawing from the outside world in order to protect myself from further discomfort. By doing so, I was missing out on the beauty of making new friends and wasn’t allowing others to reach out to me.

So, I decided to snap out of it and get down to business! Since last Tuesday’s counseling appointment, I’ve spent some incredible time reconnecting with two individuals I haven’t seen in quite some time. We worked through the confusion and hurt of our broken relationships and decided to forgive and move on towards the future. I’ve also enjoyed making stronger connections with those who have been around but not fully “in the circle.” And as I’ve asked God to take away my hurt and fears and to open my heart to making a new start, yesterday at church, some amazing women stepped up and invited me to get together.

As I reflected back on the week, I was reminded of a song…”The Glory Of Love”…”You got to give a little, take a little, let your poor heart break a little, that’s the story of, that’s the glory of love.” And isn’t that the reality of it all? To make it work, a relationship has to be about give and take and even though there’s always going to be heartache along the way (and unfortunately, because I too am imperfect, I will also be the cause of some hurt), that’s the beauty of life…of friendship and of love. We love hard and we fall hard, but with God’s daily grace, we pick ourselves back up and we go at it for a second time…and a third..and a fourth…and…


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Darlene Strong
    Nov 17, 2010 @ 01:51:18

    Kelli, once again I thank you for sharing your thoughts.
    I am certainly not around you anymore, but I continue to pray for you. I also want to let you know that your insights help me to
    consider how to be there for a good friend going through breast cancer right now. She is at a distance from me, but I keep in touch with her. Your thoughts show how important it is to stay connected.
    God bless you!

    Darlene Strong


  2. Julie
    Nov 21, 2010 @ 09:34:04

    Thank you for this post. I was beautifully written and spoke to me.


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