It’s hard to believe that another anniversary date is upon me. At this exact time, one year ago, I was smack in the middle of an 8 hour surgery to remove the tumor. Once I was in recovery and transferred to my bed in TCU, my sister took a picture of the finished product. She didn’t show it to me for months afterwards and to be honest, it took a bit for the shock to wear off once I saw myself and how I looked. I remember feeling tore up, but to see a visualization of that fact is a different piece of information altogether. It’s difficult to post even now…I jokingly termed myself a hot mess out of the latest science fiction flick, but more than being turned off by the sight of myself post-surgery, the picture brings back the many memories…most not so amazing.
I vividly recall my 6 day stay…the feeding tube in my nose that made me feel like I was drowning every time they gave me sustenance…the 12-inch tubes inserted near my neck with small plastic balloon-shaped bags attached to catch the liquid that drained from the area where they took out my lymph nodes…my tongue secured to the floor of my mouth so I wouldn’t move and mess up the reconstruction…the not so compassionate night nurses…not being able to talk…the fear…oh the fear.
Some might ask why I would post this picture now and bring everything back up again. For me, it’s important to be able to look back on what God has done in my life and how far He has brought me. And so, just to spite my old self and to say, “God, there are no words for how incredibly blessed I feel…”…I took a picture today.
One person…two very different images. One filled with the fear and anxiety of the future, one filled with the hope of tomorrow. One, weak and helpless, the other strong but dependent on the God who has promised never to leave or forsake me! One, not always so thankful for the daily grind of life; the other, grateful for every moment given!
To all who have walked this journey with me, I thank you! You were there, loaded with encouragement when it felt impossible, and you are here as I continue in my new life. May we always remember how far we have come and may we always be in awe of the one who brought us there!