Did I Shave My Legs For This???

So, I received my first ring the other day…via text message.  An old fling who was expelled from my life about a year ago (on purpose, I might add) has decided to re-enter the picture and bless me with his presence.  Along with his presence always comes an influx of text messages, because heaven forbid he actually pick up the phone and call, right?  Now, I enjoy an occasional text like the next person, but when an entire relationship occurs strictly through the written word on a cell phone…that’s when I have to draw the line. 

Now, being the “independent” woman that I am (or have to be) or whatever…I made it very clear to this person that I was still not interested in re-hashing past misery and starting up with our relationship.  After several failed attempts at getting my attention, this brilliant suitor decided that sending me a picture text of a ring might just do the trick.  Afterall, what girl isn’t a sucker for a fuzzy picture of what appears to resemble a rather large diamond?  I mean, I’m on the brink of 30, so of course I should settle for a proposal by text, right?  hmmm…wrong! 

This entire incident got me thinking…how much intimacy have we lost because of the convenience of technology?  This week I opened a card from my grandmother, thanking me for the time we spent together during Christmas.  I have to admit that I was suddenly overrun by shame as I can’t remember the last time I sent an actual thank you card.  We’re so handy these days with e-cards and email and text messages that sometimes I think we forget the small moments we miss by taking the time to connect in person or through a written letter or by picking up the phone to hear a loved one’s voice.  So, this past week, I made a decision to connect rather than thumb my way through personal contacts.  It was actually kinda fun!  I spoke with several friends and had fulfilling conversations that normally would have been restricted to the 160 characters allowed in each text message.  Which led me to my new resolution…I will pick up the phone more often, I will write my grandmother an actual note and I will ONLY accept a ring by a man who will honor me by getting on one knee!  Then again, I suppose if a large diamond secured in platinum was being offered…he wouldn’t have to actually get down on the ground!

Yes, I know…it’s been almost 8 months since I last blogged, but I’m back and I’m going to try to do my best to keep a handle on writing more often. 

Today, my church (Bayside of South Sacramento) put on our annual “Bless A Family” event where we go into a low income neighborhood and love on the kids and families of that area.  Normally, we take random referrals from schools in a certain district and combine everyone together, but this year, we focused on an entire elementary school in Del Paso Heights, ages Pre-school – 6th grade.  I had the pleasure of serving on the committee this year and was given the task of providing food for all of the children, their families and all of our 256 volunteers.  In total, we fed around 1700 people today.  After receiving huge donations from Mimi’s Cafe (love their breads and muffins) and WinCo foods, we were able to provide a nice, well-balanced snack to everyone involved.  Not only did the families participate in a Christmas program where they heard the word of God, but they received huge teddy bears and the big finale!!!…Brand new bicycles for every child in the school.  It was a surprise to the kids and their parents, but when they got to their classrooms, shiny bikes (loaded with pink streamers for the girls) were waiting with their names on it! 

Never in my life could I have imagined what today would be like!  The most amazing thing that hit me today is that despite the drug infested area in which they live, despite their lack of food in the fridge, despite the fact that their electricity may be hours from expiring…those children and their mothers and fathers had such a deep joy and appreciation for the gift of a simple stuffed animal and a cherry red bike!  I’m exhausted tonight and I can barely lift one foot in front of the other, but wow!…the aches are worth every bit of love of pleasure those kids received today and for maybe just a brief second, they were able to let go of the daily heartache and embrace a small glimmer of hope that there is a God who loves them and wants nothing more than to provide everlasting security!  Tonight, I am the one who is blessed!

Today, April 18, 2008, marks what would have been the 30th birthday of my best friend, Natalie Dyck.  This morning on my way to Court for work, I caught myself glance at the sky and whisper, “How are you, my friend?  You are missed!” 

I had an amazing evening with her parents tonight as we shared a meal and enjoyed watching the Rivercats (our local minor league baseball team) beat their opponents.  We laughed at the young children in the crowd as they did their best to catch every foul ball and participated with the rest of the stadium singing to the old favorite “Take Me Out To The Ball Game”…Never far though, were thoughts of Natalie! 

Each birthday that passes gets a little less difficult to face and driving home from the game tonight, I thought about how proud Natalie would be for the way that we loved her and continue to love her and celebrate memories of her life.  Natalie will always be missed but I am part of who I am today because of the deep impact she had on me in the twelve years I was blessed to know her. 

This June, I will remember back to eight years ago when God decided it was “her time.”  What that means exactly, I still don’t quite have a grasp on, but what I do know is that the Lord has been faithful to bring me from one side of sorrow and despair into a life that again knows deep joy.   I love you my friend!  I remember!

So this weekend, I officially became a “baby snatcher”…also known as a social worker for CPS.  The past seven days of my life have been anything but glamorous, and I am beginning to come to the conclusion that there is little about life that makes perfect sense, but we do the best we can with what we have been given.  How is it that calling the police for an escort into a home to remove a two-week old infant from the parents has become “normal” for me and how is it that I continue to work this job when just today, I had to move a foster child into her fourth home in a year as the foster mother looked her in the eyes and without the slightest bit of sympathy or hesitation, excitedly said, “Yes!  You’re moving to another house!”  Not even fully moved out, the foster mother then called her housekeeper to clean the remains of the child’s room.  It is days like today that I turn my eyes toward heaven and can only think, “Really God?  Is this the best we can do for your kids?”  I believe that we all have a special plan for our lives but seeing the look of pure, unadulterated rejection in that young girl’s eyes, I have to wonder what lesson she will take from that moment.  My heart hurts tonight and yet somehow, some way, the Lord will give me the strength to get up tomorrow and try again…and my prayer tonight will be that somehow, some way, the Lord will give that young girl the strength to get up tomorrow and try again.

         OR        ???

My mom used to remind me, “Why settle for hamburger when you can have steak?”  She was commenting on waiting for God’s best match to come along rather than settling for just any old man who halfway sweeps me off my feet.  As my age approaches closer to the other end of my twenties, I have begun to wonder where exactly you find these magical steaks.  A couple of years ago, I put on my dating shoes and have decided to journal my most recent attempts at broadening my horizons.  While there have been no love connections, had it not been for the endless amounts of horrible experiences, I would not have material with which to provide you such great entertainment; and thanks to Starbucks, I not only have a growing addiction to Chai Tea, but due to a new shop popping up on every corner, the entire franchise has provided me with a safe place to meet these men without having to go to the same one more than once.  Can you imagine?  The woman behind the counter turns to her co-worker and comments, “Here’s that poor girl again…I wonder how long this one is gonna last?”  Sometimes I imagine my dating life as one of those bad scenes in a romantic comedy where the woman accepts offer after offer, wishing only after five minutes that the night would end and she could return to her refuge of Ben & Jerry’s and fluffy slippers. 

After each date, I contact my closest girls and relive the past sixty minutes spent in utter agony.  We then provide each man with a label and lock it up in the vault for future material in our monthly girl night comedy routines.  It is with great honor that I now allow you in to that small piece of my life…In no particular order…

There was the “99 cent taco guy”: Date location: El Torito; Occupation: Employed by Pepsi; No admitted Criminal Record.  I think his name was Max.  So, Max and I met around 8:00 p.m. and at exactly 8:47 p.m. I was safely locked inside my car with the radio turned up and racing toward home.  Max had little to say while we sat at the bar in El Torito pretending to watch ESPN but unable to have any real type of communication due to the deafening noise around us…undoubtedly it was the excitement over the cheap tacos, 99 cents to be exact that caused the uproar in the room.  Mr. Max had the decency to offer me a taco (cost: 99 cents) and since I turned my head to ignore its arrival, he had no choice but to pay for the check.  At approximately 8:51 p.m. while on my way home, 99 cent taco guy decides to call me and ask to accompany me back to my place.  No thanks, taco guy…perhaps next time you could at least secure a table in the formal dining room, although I can think of nothing worse than spending the 47 minutes sitting face to face with you while thinking of something clever to talk about.

 Then there was “salad guy”:  Location: Strings Italian, Occupation: Worked at Sac Airport, No reported criminal history.  Since I blocked his name out of my memory, I’ll just call him Tom.  Tom and I meet at the restaurant on Valentine’s day 2006.  Tom looks nothing like his picture and is in fact dressed in extremely tight pants in all black with eyeliner darker than mine.  Tom says he loves this place and eats here all the time.  Tom; however, appears confused when the salad bowl arrives.  Amidst conversation about his failed dating life and a recollection that not one of his thirty one dates in the past two months have resulted in a second date, Tom removes the salad tongs from the obviously communal bowl of salad and proceeds to pick out the unwanted items in the bowl.  Suddenly, Tom stops and says, “I’m sorry, I hate it when people eat before I’ve got my food!”  Tom puts the salad aside and waits for my own gigantic bowl to be delivered to our table.  Not once, even at the end of the meal did Tom ever realize that he deprived me of my salad nor did he ask the waitress why I never received mine.  Was it that or his love of satanic music that put me over the edge?  Poor Tom…he seemed in shock when I told him that “no, there won’t be a second date!”

Then there was the man who had been divorced twice with four children from who knows how many baby mommas…Or the two different men who finally admitted that they weren’t  exactly legally divorced from their wives (and of course, one with a criminal history).  Or the one who said his wife was the one who cheated and they didn’t have the money to live in separate homes.  I would like to note for the record, your honor, that this information was unknown to me prior to accepting an invitation to meet for dinner.  Obviously had the previously stated information been shared there would have been no need to shower or even…shave my legs!

But perhaps, my all time favorite, goes to “grill guy.”  Occupation: Worked in a recording studio or so he said…  Grill guy learns that I am a social worker for CPS.  Following our first date, I realize that I would rather poke my eye out with a fork than see him again.  The next morning, I receive a text message that reads, “Your boy needs $1500.  I designed a gold grill that’s ready at the jeweler but I only got half the money.  You think I could get a loan?”  To which I promptly respond, “Even if I had the money I would not loan it to you for a grill.”  To which I read, “You work for Social Security, I know you got it!”  To which I reply, “Is that where I work?  Sorry, grill guy, you’re gonna have to find another ATM!  The bank of Kelli is closed!” 

Despite all of this craziness, I am realizing one very important thing.  Yes, every once in awhile, there is a desire for the simplicity of a good hamburger; it’s easy to find and it satisfies a quick craving.  But the fact of the matter is, at the end of the day, the savory steak is always going to grab my attention and has a flavor that lasts a lifetime.  So while I wait for my steak to marinate to his potential, I am growing rather fond of my nights filled with fuzzy slippers, personal growth (’cause learning about myself hasn’t been all that bad) and the occasional dance with Ben & Jerry’s; knowing that somewhere out there is a steak searching for his perfect seasoning.

I returned yesterday from an incredible five day trip to New York to visit my sister, my brother-in-law, Moi and my two nephews, Moses and Cyrus.  As a social worker with CPS, vacationing becomes more than just a chance to take a trip…it becomes a necessity in order to re-focus and allow my blood pressure to return to a more normal state of functioning!  Having said that, the past five days were a much needed rest and extremely low key!  My itinerary was as follows:

Monday, February 25th: 8:40 p.m. – Depart Sacramento for the hour flight to Las Vegas.  Listen to all the crazy 21 year olds talk about how exciting their hangovers in Vegas are going to feel once they reload the plane two days from now!  9:50 p.m.- Exit the plane and learn to block out the excessive sounds of slot machines for my two hour layover.  11:50 p.m.- Depart Vegas and sit in between two men, one of whom has a sharp odor that just won’t go away. 

Tuesday, February 26th: 7:45 a.m. – Thank God for land (and fresh air) and watch as my sister pulls up to baggage claim to collect me in their rented Kia.  9:00 a.m. until bedtime – sleep, talk to Lori-Lynn, sleep, play with my nephews, sleep, say hello and goodbye to Moi as he heads for the studio, sleep, watch American Idol and make judgmental comments about how I would have done it differently, sleep and laugh about how lazy I’ve been today.

Wednesday, February 27th: Happy Birthday, Lori-Lynn!  We woke up to sunshine instead of the predicted snow storm.  Moi took the day off from recording and we went into New York City to celebrate.  We decided to experience most of the city driving in the car due to the cold weather.  I was in awe at how similar my Hollywood viewpoint of New York actually mimicks reality.  The buildings are huge and the streets are packed with too many cars and inpatient commuters on foot.  Even the construction workers look just like they are portrayed in the movies.  As Moi braved the traffic, I enjoyed soaking in the sights and taking random pictures of things I don’t see on a daily basis.  Next to me in his booster seat, Moses (age 4) continued to ask, “Are we in New York City NOW?”  As the day wore on, that comment changed to…”Are we STILL in New York City?”…”When are we LEAVING New York City?”  After the hour it took to find a safe parking structure, we headed for the ferry hoping we were not too late to see our lady the Statue of Liberty.  A mere two minutes too late, the information rep. informed us that we could take the Staten Island Ferry, a free ride that runs every 30 minutes and runs right by the statue.  As we waited for the next ferry, I came to understand that it was the ferry for daily commuters in and out of the city.  Looking around, I saw that no one made eye contact except for the occasional look at the girl from California who dared to look into the crowd rather than down at the floor.  It was an awesome experience!  The Statue of Liberty is beautiful and met all of my expectations of what the Statue of Liberty should look like and it was fun to experience the journey next to New Yorkers who do it every day. 

Afterwards, we went to a tasty dinner in Little Italy where we sang “Happy Birthday” to my sis over Tiramisu.  Not solely from this trip, but more and more I realize how amazing my sister is.  She’s extremely strong and has grown so much over the years as she has learned how to be the wife and support to her musician husband and the mother to two children.  I recognized on this trip how settled she is and how happy she seems and her ability to have a joyful contentment in all circumstances.  As we grow older, I think we’re figuring out that the most important parts of life come not during the elaborate moments and expensive vacationing trips, but during those memories that are forming on a day to day basis…When I sporadically book a trip to NY just to visit with my sister and during that trip, when Cyrus finds his toes or Moses jumps up and down and says, “I love you!”  Or the excitement and pride that brews from listening to Moi’s latest hit knowing that his entire soul was poured into every lyric, every strum of the guitar…

Thursday and Friday looked pretty much the same as Tuesday.  I enjoyed resting and hanging out with my sister and the boys.  Lori-Lynn kept asking me if I wanted to go out and do something and I was completely content to love on the kids and hang out without a lot of activity. 

 Saturday, March 1: Lori-Lynn and I took the boys to the Long Island Children’s Museum.  They have awesome exhibits and Moses loved building with the blocks and drawing on the computers.  The National Circus Project was in town that day so we watched a circus show, minus the animals.  Moses was so cute as he tried to pretend he wasn’t a bit nervous before it started…I asked him if he wanted to sit on my lap and he shook his head no but quietly slipped his tiny hand into mine.  A few minutes later, he climbed into my lap for the remainder of the show.  He’s so sweet!  Saturday night Moi had the day off so he picked up some pizza and the infamous rice balls and garlic knots I’ve heard so much about…so friggin good!  Why can’t we do it like they do it in New York?  It was hands down, the best pizza I’ve ever tasted!  We watched a couple of movies and I played Candy Land with Moses and his friend, Trolly, who wasn’t exactly “real” or “there.”  It was so much fun! lol  And again, we laughed about how far I traveled just to hang out in the house and chill.  I loved every minute of it!  It’s not often that I get to see my family so a jam packed itinerary was not my highest priority.  

On a side note, my youngest nephew, Cyrus who turned four months old while I was there is one of the sweetest babies I have ever met.  He is such a happy, fun loving infant with an adorable smile and a laugh that is contagious.  I snuggled with him as often as possible and coerced Moses to join us when he would slow down long enough for a quick hug!  Cyrus apparently found his voice while I was there and decided that he would exert his new power by screaming through American Idol or while we watched a movie.  Moses is a great big brother and loves his Cyrus!  They laugh together and appear to have a genuine bond and a secret code known only to them!  High five to my sis and Moi for such amazing children!  They have worked hard as parents and it is definitely paying off!

This week my older and much wiser sister, Lori-Lynn, informed me that my life is crazy enough to start a blog, so…let the games begin!  With great thought, my title is intended to illustrate the chaos that represents my daily journey.  In the infamous words of country musician, Deana Carter, “I bought these new heels, did my nails.  Had my hair done just right…As I head for the door I turn around to be sure did I shave my legs for this?”  In high school (ten distant years ago), my good friends Michaela and Tricia and I thought this was the greatest tune.   We could imagine what it must be like to get all dolled up for that exciting first date only to come home an hour later, disappointed with the results.  I wasn’t a strong dater back then, but I was mature enough to recognize that sometimes what we expect to happen in life is not what at all takes place. 

Looking back, the last twenty-eight years has been that for me…It has been an amazing road filled with excitement, disappointments, love, loss and great accomplishments.  So, on the days I question whether or not shaven legs were worth it…The answer is always yes!  Without the occasional nicks and cuts I have gathered from this crazy thing called life, I would not be who I am today.  I would not take the time to laugh out of delirium or cry with abandon.  I would not understand the gift that is family and the blessing of a truly intimate friendship.  And as I grow in my faith as a Christian, I recognize that it is only God who gives me the strength to get up one more day and yes, shave my legs!